Friday, April 20, 2012

Sunshine in my soul.

This girl has our hearts.
She is 14 months old and more fun than I could have ever imagined!

Excuse my stretchmarks but I had to post this!

Tynlee is a pro at walking now.
She says "Thank you, Please and More" in sign language.
She loves to say "Shh!"
She points to things she is not suppose to touch and says "No, no, no".
She LOVES to eat.
She calls her pacifier her "Maa Maa".
Her little blonde hair is starting to grow(in the back!)
She doesn't like to wear shoes.

She says "Momma" and I say "What Tynlee" and she says it over and over again. She thinks it's so funny.
She loves to try to mimic animal sounds when you do them.
She dances to any kind of music.
Her face LIGHTS up when daddy comes home.
She makes the most hilarious faces.
She is being quiet during prayer, which is a HUGE plus!

Watching them together just completely melts my heart.
I wouldn't want my life ANY other way!

She LOVES graham crackers! It's her favorite snack!

Did I mention she is crazy fun!!!!????

I seriously can't believe this sweet little baby is going to be a big sister SO soon!!
I can't wait to have my precious little girls together!! :)

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Bedrest is horrible.

Okay so I'm going to vent....

Be prepared.

Vent because I am soooo sick of being on bedrest.
Same thing EVERY single day.
Wake up, meet Tynlee's needs, brush my teeth, try to look somewhat presentable, and sit on the couch...
SO fun..........NOT!!

I am flat out bored.
And I know Tynlee is too.

Bedrest SUCKS because:

-I feel bad for everyone who HAS to help me. They take time out of their sweet lives to help me when I'm fully capable of helping myself. But I TRULY appreciate everyone. We are WAY blessed to have loved ones so close and willing to help at any given time.

-I can't exercise. Which means I'm getting FAT. I can't even take my baby for a walk to the park or down the street. BLAH!!!!!!!!!!

-I can't be faithful and go to church everytime the doors are kills me. I feel like a failure and a HORRIBLE church member. I feel like God's disappointed in me because I can't serve Him in church like I used to.

-I can't cook for my family. It's meals from loved ones or frozen dinners or fast food. The last thing I want my husband to have to do after a busy day at work is come home and cook for us. I feel so bad for him!

-My house isn't as clean as I want....I'm totally in the "nesting" mode and can't do anything about it. My husband trys his best and I completely appreciate it but you know how it is, no one cleans like you can ;)

-I can't take my sweet little girl out...anywhere. Poor thing probably forgets what outside looks like. Except when she goes out with daddy or goes to my doctor's appointments....oh yippee!

-I can't "date" my husband. I can't tell you the last time we went out...besides on Saturday when I totally cheated and went to a beautiful wedding that he was a groomsmen in and it felt GREAT!!! I was sooo happy to get out and be normal again! I sat there the whole time, yes. But it was nice and I enjoyed myself.

-Yes, I cheat sometimes. I even went to church on Sunday..oops! But you know what, it made me feel good. and I enjoyed seeing everyone and singing and hearing such a wonderful uplifting sermon. Oh and might I add, wearing a dress and straightening my hair ;)

-I am on bedrest which means pelvic rest. Tell me that doesn't make you upset??? Telling a pregnant woman she can't be "intimate" with her husband!!!!!!! Poor Stephen. Poor poor Stephen. He is so understanding and has been so wonderful. I love him more and more and more eachday.

-My only form of "entertainment" is going for a nice relaxing drive with my sweet husband and daughter...seriously, it's the highlight of my day when we go. We usually stop and grab a shake or rootbeer float(again, getting FAT!!!) and take a nice drive up to the mountains since we are so close now.
-Missing family birthdays and events completely stinks!!! I am so in love with my family and having to miss special things KILLS me.

I pray SO hard that this will be over soon...NOT MY PREGNANCY of course...but the BEDREST. I want to be normal again..and SHOP SHOP SHOP ;)
besides ONLINE shopping!!!

I want to see my friends.
Take my baby out in the backyard.
Watch her swing on the swings!
Go to the movies or out to eat with my husband.
Sit in the pew at church.

I can't wait to have this other precious girl IN MY ARMS so that life can be sweet again.
I am trying to be positive and trying to enjoy this "down time" but honestly, i'm done with it.

But seriously, I know it's working. I'm still pregnant. so on a positive and happy note, I am so thankful Anistyn is still cooking and every single week, or should I say DAY, counts. So I am sorry for being so ungrateful,  but I am trying not to be.
 I really do LOVE being pregnant. I just wish things weren't SO hard for me. I can handle the dreaded "all day sickness" but seriously, this bedrest thing is no joke. It straight up cripples you. And how on earth will I be in shape to have my natural delivery I hope and pray for??? I guess that's another area we need prayer in. That I can get the strength to endure labor naturally. and if not, and I need an epidural, that's fine too...because I just want her to come out VAGINALLY! ;)

Thanks for letting me vent.


Oh this is us...30 weeks tomorrow! I am really poking out!

Please excuse my DISGUSTING hair, face, and fat arms!

There's a party in my tummy.

So yummy, so yummy.

Okay, Tynlee is OBSESSED with Yo Gabba Gabba(weirdest show ever!) But seriously, it is SO cute to watch her get all excited when it comes on- we definitely limit TV time!

The title of this blog is her favorite episode called "Eat" where they sing this song and she SMILES soooo big! It's adorable!

Daddy's twin????

I love lunch time :)

Love my chicken nuggets and cheese :)

On the go.... :)

She LOVES to read!!!

Those blue eyes melt me everytime.

Pitiful but oh so cute!

I cannot believe she will be 14 months in 2 days! Even though I'm on bedrest, time is FLYING by!!!

Friday, April 13, 2012

29 weeks

29 weeks pregnant yesterday...Boy, it feels like I've been pregnant for SO long! Like 50 weeks!! LoL...I have definitely had enough contractions to "deliver" a baby!!!

I am feeling great this week. I really can feel the prayers of our loved one because I haven't had anymore than 4 contractions a day all week. It's absolutely amazing. I think my pills must be working FINALLY. And my blood pressure is doing really good and staying down.

I have started gaining weight and it's packing on quickly. I am sooo not happy about this. But all I do is crave BAD things, like SWEETS all day!! :( It's terrible. I need self-control!!

I had a great report from doctor on Wednesday. We first had a sonogram to check the position of placenta and cervical length again. GOOD NEWS!!! My placenta is not close to the moved!! AMAZING!! It could have been why I was contracting so much doctor said but we aren't sure. It definitely was causing the bleeding though. But I am so thankful we are back on track to a vaginal delivery! YAY!!! They also found out on sonogram that she's estimating at 2 lbs 9 oz right now. Such a sweet little peanut! But right on track for 29 weeks!! We are so blessed to have another little girl in our family!! Tynlee loves when I ask her where her little sister is, she points to my belly and then proceeds to lift up my shirt!

Back to my appointment, my doctor is awesome. He did my csection last time and he really thinks I can have a successful VBAC and a full term baby! I am just really happy to be feeling good again. Getting dressed and putting on makeup everyday, i'm proud of myself :)

We are so excited and hoping that he's right!!! We would love a 37+ weeks baby!!!

I am still on bedrest, cause it's obviously working which i'm okay about cause it means Anistyn is growing healthier and bigger every single week.

We have been so blessed getting meals from loved ones. They have all been FANTASTIC!! We appreciate it so much! Seriously, I have the best mom and mother in-law who do my cleaning, laundry, helping with Tynlee and anything else I need done. Oh, and taking me to doctor's appointments.

We have the greatest support. Seriously! SO BLESSED!!

I am happy to almost be in the "home stretch" of 30 weeks.
Before we know it, sweet Anistyn Reese will join the Howard family!
We are so anxious but definitely willing to wait for her ;)

I will post pictures of her room soon!!

Oh so sweet.

My precious Tynlee just melts my heart. She is so much fun and might I add, ADORABLE!

She had so much fun playing in the front yard on Easter.

Since I am on bedrest, I was only able to go to church in the AM for preaching and then we came home and spent the afternoon just the 3 of us.

We had some visitors in the evening, my sister in-law and her husband came to visit us since they were up visiting from southern Cali. It was nice to visit with them and LAUGH.

We had lots planned for Easter but didn't want to overdo it and go everywhere we needed to be so we stayed home and took a nice nap and had a nice ham dinner made by my fabulous mother-in-law! What a treat that was! And TONS of Cadbury eggs!! mmmm....

This isn't Tynlee in her Easter dress but it is a cute dress :)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Footprints in the sand...

Another obstacle has joined us...I found out a couple days ago that I have a low lying placenta...this was at 27 weeks 2 days....Now I am 28...and the hope of it moving away from cervix is still possible but not as likely since i'm now in the 3rd trimester...From what I hear...but there's still hope...I'm not even trying to dwell on it because God has a plan and if it's for me to have another c-section, so be it. I trust Him. He had a reason for it last time and this may be the same. I just want Anistyn to be healthy and strong and if that's the best option, we will move forward with it. So that explains the bleeding I have been having. It started last Friday and was bright red but only when I wiped. Since I'm on pelvic rest and haven't been examined in a few days, we didn't know the cause. They did an ultrasound and found out about the previa which apparentely causes bleeding. Well Saturday it stopped. But came back on Monday. Thankfully again it's gone. And I haven't lost a lot of blood. I pray it DOESN'T get to that point cause if so Anistyn has to be born immediately, that's worse case scenerio.

She doesn't seem to know what's going on at all. She is a happy and content camper. Active and always has a strong heartbeat which is VERY reassuring to know she's safe inside.

Things are getting more intense contraction wise I mean. It's no longer just tightening all day, it's now getting crampy in my back and pelvis and gas pain like. I had 20 contractions on monitor at home yesterday in 2 hours. They told me I don't need to monitor them with machine anymore since I know when I'm having them. So basically, if they get unbearable, I need to go to hospital. But guess what, then it's TOO late and things can't probably be stopped. So I just have to trust my doctors and know they don't want her to come early either but staying at home on bedrest is much better than being away from my husband and daughter on hospital bedrest.

I am tired. My body is physically and emotionally exhausted. Not to mention I have no "normal" things going on in my life. I can't even take my daughter on a walk, how sad is that!? Poor thing just has to stay baracaded in the living room with me and she is beyond bored with her toys. She probably can't wait to get her mommy back. My husband does everything. He never complains. He goes to work, he cleans, he cooks, he does laundry, he feeds the dogs, does dishes, takes out trash, feeds, bathes and diapers Tynlee. I can tell by 9pm, he's ready for bed. We are all tired. This has been such a gamble and such a rollercoaster for us all.

I can't wait till it's over and we have our 2 beautiful girls safe and healthy at HOME.

I just feel like this is a HUGE testing time for us. I can't even go to church. Let me tell you, I haven't missed this much church since I've been saved almost 4 years ago. I feel so down. I try to read my bible and seek God's word and guidance through prayer but I feel distant. Distant because I feel like I need to do more, like serve Him at church. But I physically can't. and it kills me. I feel so unfaithful. and I am ready to get back to having energy, being a faithful follower, a loving wife and giving mother. I feel like all my energy goes into making myself comfortable because I am in chronic pain. My stomach contracts all day long. literally.

My uterus hates me.

I wish pregnancy was easy for me. but for some reason, it's not.

I am trying to memorize verses on fear, worry and anxiety. Please pray with me that I can fully cast all my cares on Him, cause I know He cares for us!

I have the most amazing family and friends who have offered to help us in SO many ways. Whether it's meals, babysitting, cleaning or just sending flowers and lifting us up in prayer. Bless them. I wish I could repay them. We are so blessed and so thankful for them. God is so good to us and I know He is carrying us through this trial. He carried all the world's sin on His shoulders, I know He can carry our family through this tribulation.

We will look back in a few months and realize how much we have grown. At least I hope. I rest in knowing Christ is in control. and He deserves every ounce of glory. It's times like these that I realize He is writing our story and He is the one who knows the future, not us. If we did, how scared we may be.

I just hold Tynlee and I am so thankful God brought us through the "storm" of her birth. The scary time that was. And look how perfect and beautiful she is now. Healthy and thriving. I am so thankful for her and she will always be my best gift.

So as the title of this blog is Footprint in the Sand, I know Christ is carrying us and it's only His print in the sand...not ours.