Saturday, August 11, 2012

What being a mommy is ALL about.

I've always wanted to be a mother. I always have had a LOVE for children. I remember begging my older sister(11 years older) to have a baby when she was in high school. LOL. I look back now and can't believe I asked my sister to have a baby out of wedlock. Naughty girl I was! I had no idea. Anyways...I knew I wanted to be a mom and that is it. My mom was able to stay home and raise us when I was young and I thought it was very important. I understand some mamas need to work or want to work and that is totally fine...but I knew I always wanted to just be a wife and mom. I am so thankful my husband works SO hard for us that I am able to do so. Even though we don't get to go on these ravishing vacations or have the nicest cars or house, life is good and we still get to enjoy going out every once in a while and I still get to buy my babies cute clothes every so often. 

When Stephen and I got married, I had just turned 19. I thought I would want to wait to have kids. I was taking my birth control like a good girl. I missed a couple days of my pills(OOPS!!) and my period was 2 days late...I thought for sure I was pregnant. Stephen came home from work and I remember just crying saying I'm SO sorry, I was late on taking a couple pills and now I'm pregnant. Even before I had taken a test. Well, he was excited to say the least. He didn't care really. He knew it was best to wait a while to have children but if I got pregnant, he would be happy. So I took a test....NEGATIVE.
I was actually disappointed.
We realized we wanted kids sooner than later so we started "trying".
I had no idea it would take us a while to get pregnant.
I mean, both our families are FERTILE MERTILS!
Get pregnant just starring at their spouse.
So I was surprised when a few months went by and we weren't pregnant.
Little did we know, almost 2 years later, we would FINALLY get pregnant with our little Tynlee. 
I had 2 miscarriages while waiting to conceive her.
I was on progesterone when I got pregnant with her cause they figured that was the problem with the other babies and it worked. 
I remember just waiting for the second trimester to get here so I could take a huge breathe knowing that miscarriages are rare then. I was so sick with Tynlee. Threw up everday pretty much until 24 weeks or so. But I remember telling God, I don't care if I am sick, I just want a baby.
Well, I WAS definitely SICK. lol

I was so excited to be pregnant.
I couldn't wait to feel her move.
And I could not wait to find out the gender.
I just knew it was a boy.
My family makes boys like crazy and I thought a girl was just TOO good to be true.
When we found out she was a SHE, we were both shocked.
I was SO excited and Stephen, well, he was nervous.
We had "Porter" in our brains not Tynlee.
But it was such a great day finding out I was actually getting blessed with a LITTLE GIRL!!!!
Pregnant with Tynlee

Pregnant with Anistyn

I thought I knew what LOVE was when I was carrying her and Anistyn in my belly.
But I had no idea.
The moment I first saw both of them....I knew I would do ABSOLUTELY anything to protect them.
As you know, both of my birth experiences weren't ideal and both were very scary.
Both times in NICU and both times, I never got to experience the natural birth I wanted or even getting my babies in my room with me. 
I knew this was a love that was unconditional.
What's crazy is, is that it's only a GLIMPSE of how much Christ loves us.
And that's crazy to me.
It doesn't even compare to how much he loves US.
This love I have for my two girls, is a love that I can't describe.
You mamas can relate.
They truly are those good and perfect gifts from above like James says.
They were created and knit so perfectly in our womb(Psalm 139).



After Tynlee...we thought we would wait at least 6 months since I had a csection and the whole high blood pressure issue. Right at the 6 month mark, we started trying for #2 cause we figured it would take a while to get pregnant since it did last time.
We were wrong...and pleasantly surprised!
We got pregnant on the first try!!
Back on progesterone and growing a healthy baby!

I said all this to say that the little joys I find each day, doing the exact same thing, are moments I will never forget.
We are in full on TRAINING mode with Tynlee right now. She is almost 18 months and definitely starting to get her little personality and stubborn side(like her parents!). If you haven't read it, I encourage you to read Shepherding a Child's Heart and Dare to Discipline. GREAT BOOKS. 
It's a challenging time but I know it will be worth it in the end when she OBEYS ;)
But all that to say, when she kisses me 100x a day and laughs that sweet little giggle, my heart melts and I am just so thankful God gave me these two little girls to raise.
They are HIS ultimately but I am so thankful he chose us to call these precious babes OURS. 

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