Saturday, October 12, 2013
I was never much of a worried person until I became a mom in 2011. I found myself worrying about every big and every little thing. Researching the risks and benefits of vaccines CONSUMED me. I worried about the unnecessary chemicals going into their body,the horror stories of babies dying shortly after vaccines, then I read about the consequences of actually getting something they vaccinate against. In the end, I stopped researching, I prayed and become content in our decision.
I worried about SIDS and even bought a breathing monitor for peace of mind. I worried about someone who didnt JUST wash their hands was touching my kid.(and I still do this! lol) I worry about my children's health constantly. Are they eating healthy enough? Are these the right vitamins & probiotics? Does this baby wash have too many chemicals? They fell and hit their head now they are probably bleeding in the brain. I fear every car ride, every check up at the pediatrician(mind you, Anistyn has only gone once). I fear shoes in my house. Anything and everything in public places where a million grimey hands have touched. I fear when I leave home without hand sanitizer. and when I run out of Lysol at home, I become a lunatic.
See, as a mom who constantly is worrying about the safety and health of my children, I find myself trusting God less. Not because I like you to sanitize before you touch my kids but because I am consumed by this. Constantly worrying even though God is right next to me saying " dont sweat the small stuff!" "Trust me!" "They are MINE and BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I love them more!"
I often worrying about the baby growing inside me. About her health, my health, & how her birth may God. I am quickly reminded that God already knows the outcome. He already knows if Piper will be born csection or natural. He already knows if I have Obstetric Cholestasis which may be the cause of my itching. He knew the outcome before Piper was even conceived. Knowing and trusting that makes each ache and pain, easier to endure.
When I am not worried about my family's well being, I find myself fearful for others situations as well. I know I am only 24, but I feel like I have gone through a lot of life. and never ever once, has GOD NOT BROUGHT ME THROUGH IT. HE IS FAITHFUL. HE IS ALL KNOWING. HE KNOWS MY STRUGGLE EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Learning to trust God even in the small stuff, is difficult but I pray everyday for God to make me trust Him more and let go just a little more each day....